15 Aug 2006 22:59
- Perth
charlie527
 |
888 |
|
when u where born the doctor said shove it back in and ask for a refund haha
|
If A Fat Chick Falls In The Forest....Is It Funny?
|
|
16 Aug 2006 13:51
- Melbourne (+.[____]·:·)
IAMColonel
|
2063 |
|
Im the only one on, and i'm bored, so ... :
Telemarketer Repellent
1. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
2. Say 'no' over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
3. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, 'I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?'
4. If they start out with, 'How are you today?' say, 'I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog has the gout...'
5. If the company cleans rugs, respond: 'Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?'
|
| - I hold a scalpel in one hand, i place it on the wrist, i slice a wound into the soft skin. What am i? -| (a surgeon conducting emotherapy)
|
|
16 Aug 2006 13:52
- Melbourne (+.[____]·:·)
IAMColonel
|
2063 |
|
6. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, 'I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?' The telemarketer will agree and you say, 'Me either!' Hang up.
7. Ask them to repeat everything they say several times.
8. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. 'Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?'
9. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .
10. When the salesperson asks, 'Is this the homeowner?' say, 'Is this the salesperson?' And when they say, 'Yes,' hang up.
|
| - I hold a scalpel in one hand, i place it on the wrist, i slice a wound into the soft skin. What am i? -| (a surgeon conducting emotherapy)
|
|
16 Aug 2006 13:53
- Melbourne (+.[____]·:·)
IAMColonel
|
2063 |
|
A redneck walks into a bar with a wet, steaming pile of shit in his hands.
He looks over at the bartender with pride and says, 'Lookie what I almost stepped in!'
___
What's Irish and comes out in the spring?
Paddy O'Furniture!
___
An old man went into a pharmacy and asked for two Viagra pills.
The pharmacist brought them out and the old man asked him to cut them in half.
The pharmacist winked at him and said, 'OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?'
The old man said, 'Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes!'
|
| - I hold a scalpel in one hand, i place it on the wrist, i slice a wound into the soft skin. What am i? -| (a surgeon conducting emotherapy)
|
|
16 Aug 2006 13:55
- Melbourne (+.[____]·:·)
IAMColonel
|
2063 |
|
And the funniest one to finsh it off :
Two junior co-eds went to the movies one night. After 15 minutes passed one girl leaned over and whispered to her friend, 'What should I do? The guy sitting next to me is masturbating.'
Her friend replied, 'Don''t do anything. Just ignore it.'
The first girl said, 'I can''t.'
Her friend, 'Why can''t you ignore it?'
The first one says, 'Because he''s using my hand!'
|
| - I hold a scalpel in one hand, i place it on the wrist, i slice a wound into the soft skin. What am i? -| (a surgeon conducting emotherapy)
|
|
16 Aug 2006 15:09
- New South Wales
Shazam69
|
501 |
|
lol u got tons colonel
|
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw8hfNtjFN4 WATCH IT or be sent down to the fiary depths of hell!!!
|
|
16 Aug 2006 15:12
- perth
stonecold
|
434 |
|
Funny stuff
IAMColonel
|
pspjunkie
|
|
16 Aug 2006 15:44
- New South Wales
Shazam69
|
501 |
|
yer hey heres a good conversation starter
so how bout those current affairs huh?
|
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw8hfNtjFN4 WATCH IT or be sent down to the fiary depths of hell!!!
|
|
16 Aug 2006 15:58
- The Sewers - (((SlipknotMaggot911@hotmail.com)))
SlipknotMaggot
|
3827 |
|
what is funny? a joke.
|
My PSP's Life: 2.5->2.7->2.71->1.5->2.0->1.0->1.5 Thanks to Dark_AleX
|
|
16 Aug 2006 16:18
- Melbourne (+.[____]·:·)
IAMColonel
|
2063 |
|
Three men, an Scot, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building. The Scot jumped off and shouted ''God save Scotland!'' The English man jumped off and shouted ''God Save England!'' The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted ''God save the person who I land on!''
____
A female Olympic swimmer was talking with one of her teammates about using steroids. She claimed that she was going to quit taking them because she was growing hair in scary places.
When her friend asked her where the hair was growing, she replied, 'On my nuts.'
____
What's the difference between a bonus and a penis?
Your wife will always blow your bonus.
____
A husband and wife are watching ''Who Wants To Be a Millionaire,'' and the husband winks and says, ''Honey, let's go upstairs...''
The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no.
So the husband says, ''Is that your final answer?'' The wife says yes.
The husband says, ''Well, can I phone a friend?''
|
| - I hold a scalpel in one hand, i place it on the wrist, i slice a wound into the soft skin. What am i? -| (a surgeon conducting emotherapy)
|
|
16 Aug 2006 17:47
- Perth
charlie527
|
888 |
|
Yo Mamma is so stupid,
if brains were gas she wouldn't have enough to power a flea-mobile around the inside of a Fruit Loop.
Yo Mamma is so stupid,
it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Yo Mamma is so stupid,
on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911.
Yo Mamma is so stupid,
she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.
Yo Mamma is so stupid,
if you gave her a penny for her intelligence you'd get change.
Yo Mamma is so stupid,
she asked you 'What is the number for 911'.
Yo Mamma is so stupid,
she asked for a price check at the dollar store.
Yo Mamma is so stupid,
it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.
Yo Mamma is so stupid,
if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
Yo Mamma is so stupid,
if brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose.
|
If A Fat Chick Falls In The Forest....Is It Funny?
|
|
16 Aug 2006 17:47
- Perth
charlie527
|
888 |
|
Yo Mamma is so fat,
The National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts.
Yo Mamma is so fat,
when she weighs herself the scale says 'To be continued...'
Yo Mamma is so fat,
when she sits on a dollar, blood rushes out George Washington's nose!
Yo Mamma is so fat,
she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth!
Yo Mamma is so fat,
her belly-button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.
Yo Mamma is so fat,
when she walks in front of the T.V. you miss out on 3 commercials!
Yo Mamma is so fat,
people jog around her for exercise!
Yo Mamma is so fat,
she makes big bird look like a rubber duckie!
Yo Mamma is so fat,
she plays pool with the planets.
Yo Mamma is so fat,
it took 25 minutes to download a picture of her from the Internet.
|
If A Fat Chick Falls In The Forest....Is It Funny?
|
|
16 Aug 2006 18:18
- Melbourne, Australia
flatbattery
|
1865 |
|
Why was Michael Jackson happy when their were twenty eight year olds at his house?
Because their was twenty EIGHT year olds
|
Please go 2 my site, www.yourmumisaman.tk
|
|
16 Aug 2006 18:23
- Perth
charlie527
|
888 |
|
hahaha dirty
|
If A Fat Chick Falls In The Forest....Is It Funny?
|
|
16 Aug 2006 18:32
- my chair
cqloner
|
583 |
|
ok here come the jokes
and flat battery scared wierd little guys rule they started that joke
what do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you
(pull the pin out and throw it back)
what do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you
(pull the pin ou and chuck it back)
hows a blonde kill a fish?
(drown it)
hows a blonde kill a bird
(chuck it off a cliff)
|
m-rex.cabspace.com
|
|
16 Aug 2006 18:32
- my chair
cqloner
|
583 |
|
ok a blonde a bruenette and a red head go on a piccnic while there a abodiginil [can't spell]
comes up and says hay you know about the bridge?
the girls say no we don't what about it?
the abodiginil says if you jump off and say what you want to be you turn into it
so the red head goes first takes her hand bag off and jumps while in the air she yells salmon
she turns into a salmon and sawims away
the bruenette jumps and says eagle and she flew away the blonde takes off her hand bag runs up trips over it and yeall crap turns into a turd and floats away
a farme buys a new rooster and puts it in with the old rooster
the new rooster starts paying out the old one
so the old one goes thats it lets see what you got and challenges the young one to a race the young one goes ok and ill give you a head start
so they decide that its will be aound the farm house 7 times
so the old rooster starts off and get all the way around the house once then the young one starts chasing him there up to lap 2 when the young rooster is right near the old one they go around the back around the side and past the veranda then the farmer grabs his shot gun and shoots the new rooster and says damn another gay rooster
|
m-rex.cabspace.com
|
|
16 Aug 2006 18:33
- my chair
cqloner
|
583 |
|
these two bush walkers bump into each other in the middle of the bush and decide to camp there now one is a bruenette and the other is blonde the blonde goes hay i caught rabbit earlier we could have it for dinner the bruentte goes ok but i cook any way come night time ht ebruenette starts cuting the rabbit and he gets its intestines and puts it under his pillow then finnishes cooking anyway later that night he hears the other guy get up to go to the toilet he sneaks up around thebush and goes behind him and put the guts down he runs back to his tent then he hears arghhhhhhh arghhhhhhh he runs out to see what happened and the blonde goes i shut my guts out and i am putting them back in with a stick
i had to post 3 times but the joke were to big it would not let me post it
|
m-rex.cabspace.com
|
|
16 Aug 2006 19:24
- The Sewers - (((SlipknotMaggot911@hotmail.com)))
SlipknotMaggot
|
3827 |
|
ur mummas so fat she cant wer emo pants from supre
|
My PSP's Life: 2.5->2.7->2.71->1.5->2.0->1.0->1.5 Thanks to Dark_AleX
|
|
16 Aug 2006 19:43
- my chair
cqloner
|
583 |
|
no shes not im telling lol
jks
|
m-rex.cabspace.com
|
|
16 Aug 2006 20:51
- Melbourne, Australia
flatbattery
|
1865 |
|
A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box.
She keeps doing this until her neighbour asks her why she is doing that.
The blonde replies 'My computer keeps telling me that i've got mail'.
|
Please go 2 my site, www.yourmumisaman.tk
|
|