16 Aug 2006 20:52
- Melbourne, Australia
flatbattery
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1865 |
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A smart blonde and a dumb blonde both jump off a cliff at the same time. Who lands first?
The dumb blonde because smart blondes don't exist.
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Please go 2 my site, www.yourmumisaman.tk
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16 Aug 2006 20:54
- Melbourne, Australia
flatbattery
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1865 |
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Doctor, 'What seems to be the problem?'
Patient, 'Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,'
The Doctor nods, 'Hmm.'
Patient, 'My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?'
'Hmm,' says the Doctor,
He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.
The patient is thrilled 'Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?'
'No,' sighs the Doctor, 'The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test.'
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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define 'great' he said, 'I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!'
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
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Please go 2 my site, www.yourmumisaman.tk
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16 Aug 2006 22:00
- Melbourne (+.[____]·:·)
IAMColonel
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2071 |
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Three hillbillies are sitting on a porch. One says, ''My wife has got to be the dumbest. She's so stupid she went shoppin' today and bought an air-conditioner and we don't even have electricity!'
The others laugh.
The next hick says, 'Ah that ain't nothin'! My wife's dumber - she went shoppin' yesterday and had a washin' machine delivered!'
They all laughed and laughed because no one had plumbing.
The third hillbilly said, 'Well, I reckon my woman has got to be the dumbest. Just this mornin' I was looking though her purse for some chewin' tobacco and I found six rubbers. Hell, she ain't got no dick!'
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The three wise men went to visit Jesus right after he was born. One wise man was extremely tall. He hit his head on the top of the door frame and said, ''Jesus Christ!'' Joseph looked at Mary and said ''Write that down -- that's better than Clyde!''
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Q: Why did the squirrel lay on its stomach?
A: To keep its nuts warm.
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A banana peel and a banana are robbing a store.
'Don't worry,' says the peel. 'I've got you covered!'
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| - I hold a scalpel in one hand, i place it on the wrist, i slice a wound into the soft skin. What am i? -| (a surgeon conducting emotherapy)
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17 Aug 2006 18:44
- Melbourne, Australia
flatbattery
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1865 |
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nice ones IAC
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Please go 2 my site, www.yourmumisaman.tk
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17 Aug 2006 18:55
- Perth
charlie527
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888 |
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a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, y the long face haha
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If A Fat Chick Falls In The Forest....Is It Funny?
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17 Aug 2006 19:01
- Melbourne, Australia
flatbattery
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1865 |
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A guy walks into a bar OUCH
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Please go 2 my site, www.yourmumisaman.tk
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17 Aug 2006 19:46
- The Sewers - (((SlipknotMaggot911@hotmail.com)))
SlipknotMaggot
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3828 |
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a guy walks into a bar and orders a diet coke HAHAHA
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My PSP's Life: 2.5->2.7->2.71->1.5->2.0->1.0->1.5 Thanks to Dark_AleX
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17 Aug 2006 20:00
- Melbourne, Victoria
bldnut01
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8 |
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your so ugly that when you stayed at micheal jackson,s house you had to sleep in your own room
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F%$#ING HELLO
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18 Aug 2006 00:15
- Melbourne, Victoria
arnoldo
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399 |
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check this out -
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose???
'From a catalogue.' get it.
another 1 -
What's stupider than 3 brunnettes trying to build a house under water???
3 Blondes tying to burn it down.
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All Good Girls And Boys Go To Heaven Thats Why I Wasn't Invited!
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18 Aug 2006 07:40
- The Sewers - (((SlipknotMaggot911@hotmail.com)))
SlipknotMaggot
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3828 |
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HAHAH and u say im funny arnoldo
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My PSP's Life: 2.5->2.7->2.71->1.5->2.0->1.0->1.5 Thanks to Dark_AleX
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18 Aug 2006 13:29
- Sydney
Patty16
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201 |
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Momma Jokes:
Yo' Momma is so fat last night i had sex with her, i rolled over twice and im still on the bitch.
Yo' mommas so fat, the bitch went to sizzlers and got a group discount
Yo' mommas so fat, i had to catch 2 buses and a train to get on her good side
Yo' mommas so fat i had to roll her in flour to find the wet spot
Yo' mommas so fat, every time she turns around its her birthday
Yo' Mommas so stupid she went to dr. dre for a papsmere test
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18 Aug 2006 13:38
- Sydney
Patty16
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201 |
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Random Jokes.
-My mum sez patrick 'why dont you bring girls home anymore' i say 'mum you live 3 hours away and these girls cost 200$ a hour'
-I sit at home, i dont fart once, i go on a date, i got 20 in the bank straight away.
-This Pisses me off,People who point at their wrist while asking for the time…I know where my watch is pal, where the f**k is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? ,, When people say while you are watching a film ‘did you see that?’. No, tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f**king floor ,, When people say ‘it’s always the last place you look’. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? ,,
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18 Aug 2006 13:46
- Adelaide
dragon74
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1236 |
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A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his homosexuality from his parents, goes over to their house and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. Sitting down at the kitchen table, he lets out a big sigh and says, 'Mom, I have something to tell you: I'm gay.'
His mother made no reply, and the guy was about to repeat it, when she
turned to him and said calmly, 'You're gay? Doesn't that mean you put
other men's penises in your mouth?' Nervously, the guy said, 'Uh, yeah,
Mom, well I guess so.' His mother went back to stirring the pot.
Suddenly, she whirled around and whacked him over the head with her spoon,
saying, 'Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!!!!!
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Old Pimp Proverb says: when you first meet a woman, you should slap her in the face. . . That way she can never come back and say, 'You don't treat me the way you used to'.
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18 Aug 2006 15:53
- The Sewers - (((SlipknotMaggot911@hotmail.com)))
SlipknotMaggot
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3828 |
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hahaha thats hell funny dude
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My PSP's Life: 2.5->2.7->2.71->1.5->2.0->1.0->1.5 Thanks to Dark_AleX
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18 Aug 2006 16:20
- Melbourne, Victoria
arnoldo
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399 |
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There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
'No,' she says, 'yesterday I nearly got caught!'
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Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
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Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
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Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
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All Good Girls And Boys Go To Heaven Thats Why I Wasn't Invited!
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18 Aug 2006 16:36
- Melbourne, Victoria
arnoldo
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399 |
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I couldn't type anymore there so here is another 1:
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an 'F' in sex.
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Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: The mosquito stops sucking after you smack it.
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Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
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There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, 'I'm going to try to swim to shore.' So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, 'I wonder if she made it.' I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve.' So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, 'I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too.' So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, 'I'm too tired to go on!' So she swam back.
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All Good Girls And Boys Go To Heaven Thats Why I Wasn't Invited!
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18 Aug 2006 16:41
- Melbourne, Victoria
arnoldo
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399 |
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I couldnt type anymore there too so here is another 1:
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, 'Awww, look at the dead birdie.'
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, 'Where?'
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Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said 'Oh, look at the deer tracks.' The other blonde looks and says 'Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks.' 'No. Those are deer tracks.' They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
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A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?'
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All Good Girls And Boys Go To Heaven Thats Why I Wasn't Invited!
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18 Aug 2006 16:43
- Brisbane
thegame10
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2913 |
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Admin Notice
guys just a word of warning, from now on, any jokes that are either racist, discriminating, or sexist will result in a warning. i will b watching...
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If only such things could sooth my tortured sou...hang on did you say cake?!
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18 Aug 2006 16:45
- Melbourne, Victoria
arnoldo
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399 |
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oh sorry didnt know thegame10, did u think they were funny though???
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All Good Girls And Boys Go To Heaven Thats Why I Wasn't Invited!
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18 Aug 2006 17:01
- Brisbane
thegame10
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2913 |
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i didnt read them. but i just dont want anyone to get offended, nobodys in trouble.
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If only such things could sooth my tortured sou...hang on did you say cake?!
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