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BJ2
Kudos: 6,766
Mates: 83
Post anything funny
NOTE: Any offensive, explicit, racist etc. content will be removed and the member punished.

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?


2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.


3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".?Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?


4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!


5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.


6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?


7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.


8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
05/07/2008
BJ2
Kudos: 6,766
Mates: 83
.....
10. When you lose something and ask someone if they saw where it is, they ask you "where did you lose it"? I mean what the ~censored~ is the point of finding it if I knew where I lost it?

05/07/2008
Spacko
Kudos: 943
Mates: 26
How many woman does it take to screw out a light-bulb?

None, the B1tch should be cooking in the kitchen
05/07/2008
Melbourne
LoveIsMurder13
Kudos: 2,634
Mates: 38

BJ2 said: .....

10. When you lose something and ask someone if they saw where it is, they ask you "where did you lose it"? I mean what the ~censored~ is the point of finding it if I knew where I lost it?



I lost my behavior/attitude monitoring sheet that my assistant principal put me on and then I told her that I lost it. And she is like. Go back to where you lost it. As if I'm seriously going to remember where I lost it. I wouldn't be telling her if I knew where I lost it. I think it got wet in the rain and then someone stole it. And then I was on it for another two weeks. Stupid cow.

BTW - I do not have attitude/behavioral problems (maybe only attitude problem to the teachers, thats it)

These are quite funny. My favourite is the one about the movie being $12...

Spacko said: How many woman does it take to screw out a light-bulb?

None, the B1tch should be cooking in the kitchen



Haha, heaps good but offensive. maybe sexist?
05/07/2008
Brisbane, Queensland
insectoid
Kudos: 16,650
Mates: 119
Nice thread idea.

Please try to keep away from swearing, flaming, excessive sexual content etc.
05/07/2008
http://www.games-den.blogspot.com/
J-FRESH
Kudos: 1,438
Mates: 68
BJ2 you are 1 funny dude .

The other day I lost my guitar strap at skool, so I told the teacher I lost it, so he said "where did you loose it". lol those jokes are so funny coz there correct. BAHAHA
05/07/2008
EA Corporal :) Westside of oz <
LoveIsMurder13
Kudos: 2,634
Mates: 38

insectoid said: Nice thread idea.

Please try to keep away from swearing, flaming, excessive sexual content etc.



Your forgot offensive/racist/sexist etc...

You better make it quite clear. Like edit the first most and put it in bold there is to be no so and so... And maybe just put reminders in the thread just to keep it clean.

Just trying to help.
05/07/2008
Brisbane, Queensland
hummer
Kudos: 6,536
Mates: 404
lol, pretty good BJ2
05/07/2008
Flame_PSP
Kudos: 2,841
Mates: 64
this is a good one put ill only post the link cause it has swearing in it .

www.mydigitallife.info/
06/07/2008
Sydney ( Sutherland Shire )
shiversul
Kudos: 118
Mates: 2

Spacko said: How many woman does it take to screw out a light-bulb?

None, the B1tch should be cooking in the kitchen



thats really not funny, and you fail at life if you think that -_-
05/07/2008
melbourne,victoria
dexsmith99
Kudos: 681
Mates: 60

shiversul said:

Spacko said: How many woman does it take to screw out a light-bulb?

None, the B1tch should be cooking in the kitchen



thats really not funny, and you fail at life if you think that -_-


thats why you have only one mate
05/07/2008
Newcastle, New South Wales
BJ2
Kudos: 6,766
Mates: 83
LOL, nice one dex, but it was sorta sexist

OK MORE!!
Stupid is a terminal illness
Eighth Place
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who “totally zoned when he ran,” accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms .........
06/07/2008
BJ2
Kudos: 6,766
Mates: 83
.......
intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

Second Place
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M., so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.

First Runner Up
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and the tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and
05/07/2008
BJ2
Kudos: 6,766
Mates: 83
.......
the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

And The Winner Is
Zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves "Sh*t happens."

06/07/2008
ROOK1E
Kudos: 9,264
Mates: 14
I'm not going to bother reading all of this...
I'm gonna keep away from this thread.
I'll come when i'm bored
06/07/2008
Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam
BJ2
Kudos: 6,766
Mates: 83
IS THE SPAM TOO MUCH FOR YOU ROOK1E!!!!!!!!

lol
06/07/2008
Lawso
Kudos: 2,535
Mates: 130
lol, I like the elephant and the gun one...
06/07/2008
Sydney, EA GANG RANK: Sergeant First Class, EA CO LEADER!!!YAY!
illacraig
Kudos: 297
Mates: 11
1. “I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport.” —Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001

2. “Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.” —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

3. “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

4. “There’s no doubt in my mind that we should allow the world worst leaders to hold America hostage, to threaten our peace, to threaten our friends and allies with the world’s worst weapons.” —South Bend, Indiana, Sept. 5, 2002.

5. “There’s an old…saying in Tennessee…I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee that says Fool me once…(3 second pause)… Shame on…(4 second pause)…Shame on you….(6 second pause)…Fool me…Can’t get fooled again.” —Nashville, Tennessee, Sept. 17, 2002.

6. “See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don’t attack each other. Free nations don’t develop weapons of mass destruction.” —Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 3, 2003

7. “The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the — the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice.” —Washington, D.C., Oct. 27, 2003.

06/07/2008
perth, scotland
illacraig
Kudos: 297
Mates: 11
8. “I’m looking forward to a good night’s sleep on the soil of a friend.” —on visiting Denmark, Washington D.C., June 29, 2005

9. “Wow! Brazil is big.” after being shown a map of Brazil by Brazilian president Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, Brasilia, Brazil, Nov. 6, 2005

10. “Rarely is the question asked, ‘Is our children learning’?” —Florence, S.C. Jan 11 2000

11. “The illiteracy level of our children are appalling.” —Washington, D.C., Jan. 23, 20004
06/07/2008
perth, scotland
J-FRESH
Kudos: 1,438
Mates: 68
The "excuse me" one is my favourite yet .
06/07/2008
EA Corporal :) Westside of oz <
s4m1ul
Kudos: 1,295
Mates: 27

Flame_PSP said: this is a good one put ill only post the link cause it has swearing in it .

www.mydigitallife.info/



wrong link?
06/07/2008
EA Corporal/ Co-Leader|| Adelaide
BJ2
Kudos: 6,766
Mates: 83
here are some funny pics of school essays ect.




and don't click here if you don't wanna see something sexist:
img371.imageshack.us/
06/07/2008
hummer
Kudos: 6,536
Mates: 404
lol, there pretty good ones
06/07/2008
novaboy032
Kudos: 2,674
Mates: 56






06/07/2008
In Your Sock Draw
s4m1ul
Kudos: 1,295
Mates: 27
where do you get those pictures from?
06/07/2008
EA Corporal/ Co-Leader|| Adelaide
 
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