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i got a good ya mum joke

your mommas so ugly wen she goes into the forest the tres piss on her

15/08/2006

New South Wales

Kudos: 1,161

Mates: 13

i made a funny

15/08/2006

Perth, www.myspace.com/charlie752

Kudos: 4,298

Mates: 72

Kiah says:

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, 'And how much money do you make a week?' Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, 'I make $300.00 a week. Why?'

The CEO then hands the guy $300 in cash and screams, 'Here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!'

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks 'Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?'

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, 'Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.'

What not to say to the nice policeman....

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

15/08/2006

Perth, since like, forever.

Kudos: 1,161

Mates: 13

i once saw a man from venus it seemd he had no penis, i went to his mum and played with her bum until she shat out a plum

Jack and jill went up the hill, bloody jill forgot the pill, and came down with a boy called bill

15/08/2006

Perth, www.myspace.com/charlie752

Kudos: 448

Mates: 0

yo mommas so old i slapped her on the back and her tits fell off

ur mommas so poor she has to go to kfc to lick ppls finngers

15/08/2006

New South Wales

Kudos: 1,950

Mates: 0

SlipknotMaggot says:

jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pale of water
everyone wondered what they did cuz they came back wif a daughter

15/08/2006

The Sewers - (((SlipknotMaggot911@hotmail.com)))

Kudos: 1,161

Mates: 13

Yp mama's so fat she use's a king size mattress as a tampon haha

15/08/2006

Perth, www.myspace.com/charlie752

Kudos: 448

Mates: 0

ur mommas so fat she sat on the round i started to drive around her and i ran out of fuel

15/08/2006

New South Wales

Kudos: 1,950

Mates: 0

SlipknotMaggot says:

ur mummas so fat that other fat people orbit her

15/08/2006

The Sewers - (((SlipknotMaggot911@hotmail.com)))

Kudos: 63

Mates: 19

flatbattery says:

ur mommas so fat, she walks into KFC and asks for the bucket on da roof

15/08/2006

.0.

Kudos: 1,166

Mates: 30

impakt55 says:

Shazam69 said:yo mommas so old i slapped her on the back and her tits fell off

that one made me lol

15/08/2006

[White PSP] - 3.51 M33-7 - Melbourne, Victoria

Kudos: 1,161

Mates: 13

'from south park'
Y did the chicken cross the road???....because it had aids

15/08/2006

Perth, www.myspace.com/charlie752

Kudos: 15,224

Mates: 205

ur mummas so fat she has her own zip (post) code

____

i wish my lawn was emo ...

so it would cut itself

___

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
___

A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. 'I would like to buy this TV,' she told the salesman.
'Sorry, we don't sell to blondes,' he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, 'I would like to buy this TV.'

'Sorry, we don't sell to blondes,' he replied.
____

15/08/2006

Those damn pipe dreams.

Kudos: 15,224

Mates: 205

Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born her mama said, “what a treasure,” and her daddy said, “yeah, let's bury it.”
___

Yo' mama is so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
___

What did Santa say to the three blondes on the corner?
'Ho. Ho. Ho.'
___

What did one of the blonde's legs say to the other one?
Between you and me we could make a lot of money!

15/08/2006

Those damn pipe dreams.

Kudos: 1,161

Mates: 13

when u where born the doctor said shove it back in and ask for a refund haha

15/08/2006

Perth, www.myspace.com/charlie752

Kudos: 15,224

Mates: 205

Im the only one on, and i'm bored, so ... :

Telemarketer Repellent
1. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
2. Say 'no' over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
3. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, 'I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?'
4. If they start out with, 'How are you today?' say, 'I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog has the gout...'
5. If the company cleans rugs, respond: 'Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?'

16/08/2006

Those damn pipe dreams.

Kudos: 15,224

Mates: 205

6. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, 'I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?' The telemarketer will agree and you say, 'Me either!' Hang up.
7. Ask them to repeat everything they say several times.
8. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. 'Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?'
9. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .
10. When the salesperson asks, 'Is this the homeowner?' say, 'Is this the salesperson?' And when they say, 'Yes,' hang up.

16/08/2006

Those damn pipe dreams.

Kudos: 15,224

Mates: 205

A redneck walks into a bar with a wet, steaming pile of shit in his hands.
He looks over at the bartender with pride and says, 'Lookie what I almost stepped in!'
___

What's Irish and comes out in the spring?
Paddy O'Furniture!
___

An old man went into a pharmacy and asked for two Viagra pills.
The pharmacist brought them out and the old man asked him to cut them in half.

The pharmacist winked at him and said, 'OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?'

The old man said, 'Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes!'

16/08/2006

Those damn pipe dreams.

Kudos: 15,224

Mates: 205

And the funniest one to finsh it off :

Two junior co-eds went to the movies one night. After 15 minutes passed one girl leaned over and whispered to her friend, 'What should I do? The guy sitting next to me is masturbating.'
Her friend replied, 'Don''t do anything. Just ignore it.'

The first girl said, 'I can''t.'

Her friend, 'Why can''t you ignore it?'

The first one says, 'Because he''s using my hand!'

16/08/2006

Those damn pipe dreams.

Kudos: 448

Mates: 0

lol u got tons colonel

16/08/2006

New South Wales

Kudos: 2,546

Mates: 104

stonecold says:

Funny stuff
IAMColonel

16/08/2006

perth

Kudos: 448

Mates: 0

yer hey heres a good conversation starter

so how bout those current affairs huh?

16/08/2006

New South Wales

Kudos: 1,950

Mates: 0

SlipknotMaggot says:

what is funny? a joke.

16/08/2006

The Sewers - (((SlipknotMaggot911@hotmail.com)))

Kudos: 15,224

Mates: 205