Social \ Funny jokes...

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IAMColonel says:

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he''d like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I''m so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!'

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl''s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'

The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!'

19/08/2006

Those damn pipe dreams.

Kudos: 7,690

Mates: 223

LegenD says:

ROFL - thats the best one I have read to date... if I had more than 2 thumbs, i'd be giving you all of my thumbs up!!!!

EXCELLENT

19/08/2006

Only in Memories

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Mates: 9

junglecat says:

haha thats funny...

19/08/2006

Victoria

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cqloner says:

roflmao

19/08/2006

rockhampton

Kudos: 15,224

Mates: 205

IAMColonel says:

Your family is so poor, when I went to your house I stepped on a cigarette and your Daddy shouted, “Hey, who turned off the heater!”
__

Q: What can a goose do, that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
__

19/08/2006

Those damn pipe dreams.

Kudos: 63

Mates: 19

flatbattery says:

Hahaha, nice Condom 1!!!

19/08/2006

.0.

Kudos: 15,224

Mates: 205

IAMColonel says:

you're so dumb you're him

>>>






you're so smelly you're him

>>>

20/08/2006

Those damn pipe dreams.

Kudos: 1,296

Mates: 187

JediKnight says:

lol thats a good one colonel,

---
Your Mum's so fat that when she went to the beach the whales sang 'we are fa-mi-ly, brothers and your sisters and me!'

20/08/2006

Melbourne

Kudos: 15,224

Mates: 205

IAMColonel says:

What did the thirsty whale do?
Bit the tail of a submarine and sucked out all the seamen.
______

A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this beautiful young lady sitting next to him. ''Hello there,'' says the man, ''and what is your name?''
''Hello,'' giggles the woman, ''I'm Stacey. What's yours?''

''I'm Jim.''

''Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight? I mean, right now??''

''Sure!'' replies Jim, ''Let's go!''

So Stacey takes Jim to her house and takes him to her room. Jim sits down on the bed and notices a picture of a man on Stacey's desk. ''Stacey, I noticed the picture of a man on your desk,'' Jim says.

''Yes? And what about it?'' asks Stacey.

''Is it your brother?''

''No, it isn't, Jim!'' Stacey giggles. Jim's eyes widen, suspecting that it might be Stacey's husband.

When he finally asks, ''Is it your husband?''

Stacey giggles even more, ''No, silly!'' Jim was relieved.

''Then, it must be your boyfriend!''

Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim's ear. She says, ''No, silly!!''

''Then, who is it?'' Jim asks.

Stacey replies, ''That's me BEFORE my operation!!''

20/08/2006

Those damn pipe dreams.

Kudos: 1,950

Mates: 0

SlipknotMaggot says:

Who cant win state of origin? the blues!

20/08/2006

The Sewers - (((SlipknotMaggot911@hotmail.com)))

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cqloner says:

lol good ones

20/08/2006

rockhampton

Kudos: 1,296

Mates: 187

JediKnight says:

SlipknotMaggot said:Who cant win state of origin? the blues!

Go Carlton!
---
Anymore jokes???

20/08/2006

Melbourne

Kudos: 38

Mates: 0

lilbandit says:

your mums so dumb she once sat on the t.v and watched the couch.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

be cause of editing:

a=u for some words



this guy with a speech inpendment walks into a bakery and says 'can i have a bum?'. the woman at the cuonter says 'a what?' 'a bum, a bum you know a bum.'
'oh a bun' says the woman yeh sure.

so the man walks into a hardware store and orders a 'facket' 'a what says the woman?' 'a Facket' 'oh a bucket sure.'

so finnaly he walks into a pet store and orders a 'cockandspankit' 'exuse me says the clerk 'the dog!' 'Oh a cockaspanial sure'

so as he walks out with his bun and bucket when his cockaspanial runs away. So he goes to the old man next to him and says 'can you please hold my bum and facket while i go and get my cockandspanket'.

20/08/2006

melbourne, Victoria

Kudos: 15,224

Mates: 205

IAMColonel says:

(sorry huey) plz tell me if anyone's offended, but it's too true.

alright theres a yank an italian an asian and an aussie...they are all on a boat and the boats sinking so they all have to through something off to make it stay good.....yeh the yank throughs his guns and says yeah got plenty of those at home the italian throws a bowl a pasta we've got plenty of these at home and the aussie throws the asian over and says We've got plenty of them at home

20/08/2006

Those damn pipe dreams.

Kudos: 1,950

Mates: 0

SlipknotMaggot says:

HAHA thats the best 1 ever!

20/08/2006

The Sewers - (((SlipknotMaggot911@hotmail.com)))

Kudos: 26

Mates: 0

MeowMix says:

What did the guy say then when walked into the bar... 'ow' ......that ones heaps exelent

20/08/2006

Tasmania

Kudos: 1,161

Mates: 13

charlie527 says:

hahahahahaha thats funny as IAMColonel, i use to klnow tones of them but cant remember

20/08/2006

Perth, www.myspace.com/charlie752

Kudos: 15,224

Mates: 205

IAMColonel says:

hah meowmix, ur the 4th person to say that in this thread.
___

21/08/2006

Those damn pipe dreams.

Kudos: 164

Mates: 2

PSP333 says:

not to anyone but these are some your mum jokes
your mum is so dumb that she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

your mum is so dumb that she failed a survey.

your mum's glases are so thick that when she looks at a map she sees people waving.

21/08/2006

Melbourne, Victoria

Kudos: 1,950

Mates: 0

SlipknotMaggot says:

Your momma's like a vacuum cleaner, she sucks, blows, and lays in the closet.

Your momma's like a toilet, she's so full of shit.

Your momma's like a hardware store 5 cents a screw

Your momma's like a squirell, she can't keep nuts out of her mouth.

Your momma's like a buffet, $3.00 and it's all you can eat!

Your momma's like buckleys, she tastes bad but works

Your momma's like a doorknob everyone gets a turn.

Your momma's like a light switch even a 4 Year old can turn her on.

Your momma's like a refrigerator, every one sticks there meet in her

Your momma's like a nascar driver she burns fifty rubbers a day

Your momma's like a shotgun 2 cocks and shes ready to blow

Your momma's like a hockey puck everyone gets a whack!

Your momma's like a merry go round everyone gets a spin!

Your momma's like a bus everyone gets a ride!

Your momma's like a boomeramg she keeps coming back for more.

21/08/2006

The Sewers - (((SlipknotMaggot911@hotmail.com)))

Kudos: 15,224

Mates: 205

IAMColonel says:

A freind of mine on the weekend had a drugged up guy come up to him and say:

- Kill gay whales for Jesus

and

- What is red and invisible?
A tomato that isn't there anymore.

LOL WTF?!!?

21/08/2006

Those damn pipe dreams.

Kudos: 1,950

Mates: 0

SlipknotMaggot says:

that druggo was prob me

21/08/2006

The Sewers - (((SlipknotMaggot911@hotmail.com)))

Kudos: 63

Mates: 19

flatbattery says:

yeh, probably

21/08/2006

.0.

Kudos: 1,296

Mates: 187

JediKnight says:  

good one colonel

23/08/2006

Melbourne

Kudos: 15,224

Mates: 205

IAMColonel says:

umm that wasn't a joke .. that ws dead serious lol

23/08/2006

Those damn pipe dreams.

 

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